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:iconmorethankarisma: More from MoreThanKarisma


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writings by KittySib

Original stories by Zireael07

literature by zwerg8


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Submitted on
October 14, 2012
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Father bore me of the bellows
Woke me by night to beat me
Stroke by stroke
Drew a fire
Beat me
Turned me over
Beat again

And father told me I was incomplete

He took me outside
The wind didn't whistle like I thought it would
The birds didn't sing
No rain weeping a rat-a-tat rally
No crickets pulling their bows
Father bathed me
Father drowned me

And father told me I was the silver child

Father hammered out the dents
Lonely twangs belted against an angry anvil
Father sheathed me in gold
Pretended I was pure
The first son not to shatter
The first son not to be sold

And father told me I was complete
Just a poem from the point of view of a sword.
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:iconopheliabell:
OpheliaBell Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Professional Writer
That's kinda beautiful.
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:iconmorethankarisma:
MoreThanKarisma Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That's kinda flattering? :3
Thanks starshine. <3
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:iconsilvergabetha834:
silvergabetha834 Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Professional General Artist
Wow. it freaked me out at first because I thought it was a real child. Then I got to the silver and gold part and was like... waaaaaaait a minute. So I read it again as a sword and it's super cool. I love how you did that little twist. The repetition of the "father told me" line was really nicely done, too.

Still, this is the best part:
"He took me outside
The wind didn't whistle like I thought it would
The birds didn't sing
No rain weeping a rat-a-tat rally
No crickets pulling their bows
Father bathed me
Father drowned me"

It's almost like a song at this point, with the sound of the rain, the repetition of "Father... me"

I have goose bumps now. Thank you!
Reply
:iconmorethankarisma:
MoreThanKarisma Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much! <3

The first draft was AWFUL but I like it like this. Like I said in a previous comment, some of the students in my class thought they needed to call protective services. XD A few people got it immediately though. Fantasy fans I guess. XD
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:iconsilvergabetha834:
silvergabetha834 Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Professional General Artist
We do have a dark streak... well... I do anyway. Reeeeeeally dark. Just to warn ya...
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:iconkittysib:
KittySib Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012
Interesting!:D
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:iconzireael07:
Zireael07 Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is brilliant!
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:iconmorethankarisma:
MoreThanKarisma Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. <3
Reply
:iconthemonkeystan:
TheMonkeyStan Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Student Filmographer
Flipin' epic!!
MASTERPIECE!
HURRAH!
Reply
:iconmorethankarisma:
MoreThanKarisma Featured By Owner Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow. I'm flattered. Thank you. :)
Reply
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