Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
October 14, 2012
File Size
842 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
217
Favourites
10 (who?)
Comments
11
Downloads
2

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×
Father bore me of the bellows
Woke me by night to beat me
Stroke by stroke
Drew a fire
Beat me
Turned me over
Beat again

And father told me I was incomplete

He took me outside
The wind didn't whistle like I thought it would
The birds didn't sing
No rain weeping a rat-a-tat rally
No crickets pulling their bows
Father bathed me
Father drowned me

And father told me I was the silver child

Father hammered out the dents
Lonely twangs belted against an angry anvil
Father sheathed me in gold
Pretended I was pure
The first son not to shatter
The first son not to be sold

And father told me I was complete
Just a poem from the point of view of a sword.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconpestomonkey:
pestomonkey Oct 14, 2012  Professional Writer
That's kinda beautiful.
Reply
:iconmorethankarisma:
MoreThanKarisma Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
That's kinda flattering? :3
Thanks starshine. <3
Reply
:iconsilvergabetha834:
silvergabetha834 Oct 14, 2012  Professional General Artist
Wow. it freaked me out at first because I thought it was a real child. Then I got to the silver and gold part and was like... waaaaaaait a minute. So I read it again as a sword and it's super cool. I love how you did that little twist. The repetition of the "father told me" line was really nicely done, too.

Still, this is the best part:
"He took me outside
The wind didn't whistle like I thought it would
The birds didn't sing
No rain weeping a rat-a-tat rally
No crickets pulling their bows
Father bathed me
Father drowned me"

It's almost like a song at this point, with the sound of the rain, the repetition of "Father... me"

I have goose bumps now. Thank you!
Reply
:iconmorethankarisma:
MoreThanKarisma Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you so much! <3

The first draft was AWFUL but I like it like this. Like I said in a previous comment, some of the students in my class thought they needed to call protective services. XD A few people got it immediately though. Fantasy fans I guess. XD
Reply
:iconsilvergabetha834:
silvergabetha834 Oct 14, 2012  Professional General Artist
We do have a dark streak... well... I do anyway. Reeeeeeally dark. Just to warn ya...
Reply
:iconkittysib:
Interesting!:D
Reply
:iconzireael07:
Zireael07 Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
This is brilliant!
Reply
:iconmorethankarisma:
MoreThanKarisma Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you. <3
Reply
:iconthemonkeystan:
TheMonkeyStan Oct 14, 2012  Student Filmographer
Flipin' epic!!
MASTERPIECE!
HURRAH!
Reply
:iconmorethankarisma:
MoreThanKarisma Oct 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Wow. I'm flattered. Thank you. :)
Reply
Add a Comment: